I am a face of a miscarriage

I am a face of a miscarriage. My little angel started his adventure to earth before Mother's Day 2009. My boyfriend, at the time, Charles and I were expecting our first child together. We found out on Mother's Day that we were expecting when I took 3 at home pregnancy tests because I was unable to believe the first one. We called our local health department and made an appointment to confirm the results which was still the same, pregnant. At that moment, they told me I was due January 22, 2010. We were both excited after we finally got over the shock of becoming parents. I already have one daughter from a previous relationship. As our adventure began we heard the heart beat at about 7 weeks, I know a little early but it was a heart beat and a very strong one. Since I already knew what the baby moving feels like I started feeling the little butterflies around 9 or 10 weeks. Then shortly later while Charles was at his mom's house. On June 26, 2009 at 10 weeks. I started cramping, but like the first pregnancy I didn't think nothing of it.  Then the spotting started, at first it was just light, then it increased over the next few hours just as the cramping intensified right along with the spotting. I finally couldn't handle the pain any longer and since I was staying with parents and my sister lived 2 houses away. My mom woke my dad up and told him we needed to get to the hospital right away, so we called my sister and woke her up and had her come and get my daughter at 2 am. We get to the hospital and they take me back right away. They asked me are you pregnant, I kept telling them over and over again yes I am pregnant. They wanted a urine test and a blood test to confirm that I was pregnant. They ordered for an Ultrasound to be done, and that was the moment of truth. No heart beat, no signs of a baby. They decided to do an internal ultrasound which they had to wait until 7 am. By this time I am scare as can be, couldn't get a hold of Charles. When they were able to finally do the internal ultrasound, they were finally able to locate the baby. They also confirmed I was having a miscarriage. They told me that was sac was abnormal and a lot of reasons could be behind why I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks.They gave me three choices; DnC, pills in the uterus to cause me to go in labor, or go home and pass the baby on my own. I chose to go home and cope with the lost that way. I finally got a hold of Charles right after I was discharged and he came over to help me cope, but as the pain started to get worst, it was like he was here physically but not emotionally. I would fall to my knees while walking to the bathroom. Roughly about 3 pm, I finally sent my baby up to heaven, that is where he became my angel baby grew his wings to watch over his big sister and his parents. At that time I just wanted to be with him, I didn't want to talk to anyone or be touched by anyone. I just wanted to lay there and cry and never stop crying. I finally let Charles hug me and didn't want him to let go. He did have to go back to his mom's house and let her know what happened. Soon after that day, our relationship started going down hill. I wanted to talk about the lost of our child, but as a man he shut down and it caused a great deal of problems. We did end our relationship like 2 months later.

 

As of now, Charles and I are still friends, and we are finally able to talk to each other about that day in time. We are coping together as parents of an angel baby. He finally told me why he shut down on that day. He didn't know how to handle it as it was his first child we lost.

 

I am a face of a miscarrage and my name is Hattie..I currently live in Gainesville, Fl.

 

Jordan Lee Eubanks.. lost at 10 weeks on June 26, 2009

Thoughts in General

Really people gotta act so childish and say things that aren't true, get peoples emotions all worked up for nothing. Thanks for being such a "great" friend. It just seems they only say those things to hurt people.

 Moving on..

Karlee has got so big on me. She will be 3 in a few weeks. She is talking so clear and became Ms. Talkative. She has my sleeping pattern which I need to break me and her of. A little over a year she will be starting school. I am going to cry like a big baby, I already see it coming. I really don't know what else to write tonight..

Have a good night everyone!

Lost

Why do I even try anymore. I have gave him all my all and I still get treated like crap. Yea, he tells me he loves me, but does he really? I mean I used to get a bunch of the same things that girls do cherish. Maybe I am asking for too much from someone who has never seem to have a girlfriend who treats him good. I have pushed away my closest friends to show to him how devoted I am to this relationship. I know we had our problems but our communication just seems to be breaking down further and further. I really don't know what to do anymore. I am about to say fuck it all. Something has to change or I am walking away of almost 2 years of hard work. People keep asking me why do I put up with this craziness and I am starting to ask myself the same thing. I really don't know what to tell them. What should I tell them??

Heaven Gained Another Angel

My pregnancy started out just as a normal pregnancy. I wasn't ready for another child, I am not the type of person that will stop what ever happens. I was eating alot more than normal and the baby's father noticed that I was eating a lot. He kept pointing out to me that I was pregnant, and I didn't want to believe him. So, just to prove him wrong, I saved up a few dollars and got a at home pregnancy test. On Mother's Day 2009, my world changed once again. I took the test that morning and that's when I learned I was going to be a mom again. I was scared, nervous, and all the other feelings a woman has when they find out they are pregnant. He was excited about being a dad for the first time, it was my second child. The happiness soon ended,  a few weeks later, I started having cramps, I thought they were from something I ate that day, then the pains got worst, then the spotting started.  I was scared as hell then. I didn't know what was going on, never really experienced complications like this before during my first pregnancy. The bleeding became more intensified over the next few hours. On 6-26-09 at 2am, I was rushed to the hospital. We told them I think I am having a miscarriage, they got me back right away even though it seemed like for ever. They did a urine test to make sure I was pregnant, which that showed positive. Then they did a ultrasound but nothing showed on it. Just an empty spot on the screen. Then at 7am is when they finally decided to do an internal ultrasound. They were able to find the baby sac, and there was no heart beat. My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or just shut down completely. I was discharged from the hospital and sent home to relax until I completely lost the baby. The pain was indescribable.

I felt so lost, I didn't know what was right or left, up or down. I am finding ways to cope with the lost, even two years later. Still feels like yesterday when it all happened.

If anyone is going through what I went through, don't be shy, contact me and I will be your person to talk to.

http://www.myforeverchild.com/

visit that website they have awesome jewelry to help cope with a lost of a child.